I'm back (well, sorta)

Hey guys.

I'm back! Well, sort of, I suppose. I graduated from university with my bachelor's degree more than a year ago, and had planned to put up more content on here (more specifically, a "21 Things I've Learned After Turning 21" post, and perhaps even a "Post-graduation woes" post). I'd even drafted the posts, but actually publishing them on here clearly didn't happen. Whoops.

Anyway, why did I come back to revive this dead blog, you may ask? I guess it's merely because of how today's just another one of those days where everything comes crashing down on me and the heaviness of my tiredness (both mental and physical) increases tenfold. And I didn't know where else to spill it all out, and decided that this would be the best place...

Just as some background information to those who are curious - I'm back in university, but I'm doing a Postgraduate Diploma course this time round (in order to be eligible to qualify as a lawyer after). We've been told that we're supposed to treat this intensive course as a full-time job, but it feels like one of those craaazy jobs where one gets absolutely zero work-life balance. And it doesn't help that the people I love the most are more than 10,000 kilometres away from me. Don't get me wrong though, I've found an amazing bunch of people here whom are a joy to be around; I know I can count on them and call them my friends. But the crazy workload just makes me homesick. It almost feels like I'm stuck in this crazy intense cycle and everything's been taking a toll on me.

I don't know, I guess it feels like I'm slowly losing my mind. Ha ha ha. *pulls an awkward everything-is-going-great smile*

Alright, I think I'll end my rant here before I start sounding like some psychotic woman (and run out of time to prepare for tomorrow's classes).

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk entertaining my crazy rant! Fingers crossed that I'll return with a more positive post next time. Hope everything is well with you, wherever you are! :)

"Maybe faith is the ability to chill and trust that somebody up there got the set list right. Maybe when you're cool with whatever comes your way, the reveal eventually happens, and even the bad moments can turn around to bless you."

―Justin Bieber 

"I'm fine."

It's sad when you realise that your answers to others' "How are you?" or "Are you okay?" have been becoming decreasingly honest the older you get. 

It's almost like as if your "I'm fine" means nothing close to its literal meaning, but more of an internal scream for help which only people who know you well enough will realise.

And it hits you (or it seems like, at least): maybe no one actually knows you well enough to realise that (you're not actually okay)?

Because no one really seems to notice the subtle hints you drop, like when you reply "I'm fine, I think," or when you quite clearly sound hesitant about your "I'm fine".

☀

“愿有人陪你颠沛流离， 

如果没有， 

愿你成为自己的太阳。”

For those who don't understand Mandarin, it literally translates to something along the lines of: 

"May you have someone who's willing to accompany you to wander around; if not, may you be your own Sun (and brighten your own days?)." 

Something like that, I guess, considering how I'm not the best at Mandarin... Well, at least I tried?

Also, I found an English quote which (I think) has a somewhat similar meaning:

"So plant your own gardens and decorate your soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."

I know it doesn't exactly mean the same thing, but it's pretty close, I guess.

☻